WORKPLACE OR WAR ZONE? A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH!

I can't be the only one who is haunted by the write-ups I don't finish lol. I started writing this piece sometimes last year and somehow life happened and I never got back to it and its funny how I am remembering it at almost the same time I started it last year. To be honest, I don't even know what prompted me to start writing it last year or what my experience was at the time but reading it now, I agree that the topic remains highly relevant and deserves to be shared widely. 

In an ideal world, the workplace is a space for collaboration, growth, and mutual respect. Unfortunately for many professionals, the reality is far from that. Toxicity in the workplace is not a new phenomenon. It is a major contributor to employee dissatisfaction and burnout. Most of the time, its not even about aiming for same post or same position, it could just be a case of a bully looking to torture his next victim. Please what happen to live and let live? 

There is nothing more unsafe than working in a toxic environment. Toxicity in the work place is real and poisonous. Imagine having to deal with the daily tasks which are often crazy by the way and still have to deal with mental and emotional stress from co-workers. The worst part of it is if partiality/favouritism is the order of the day in such a place. The house is divided, things will no longer be the same and everyone will practically be walking on egg shells.

Toxicity does not just harm individuals- It can dismantle an entire organization from within. It leads to various negative outcomes, including decreased productivity as (employees become less engaged and efficient), Increased absenteeism, and decline in employees' mental health. And unfortunately, the list goes on.

If you find yourself in this kind of situation, here is what I would advise; 

Call It What It Is – Recognize toxicity for what it is. If you’re dealing with micromanagement, gossip, unfair workloads, or blatant disrespect, it’s not “just work stress”—it’s a problem.

 
Set Boundaries Like a Boss – Limit your interactions with toxic coworkers and keep conversations short and professional. You’re not here for the drama, you’re here to secure the bag. Do not ever forget that!

Find Your People – Having a support system is a game changer. Look for like-minded colleagues who share your values and are not about the negativity. Team up, have each other’s backs, and create a safe space to vent, strategize, and survive. Trust me, having a good support system will greatly improve your mental wellness. Find that person/ people you can laugh and cry with . I have been blessed with such people in my career journey. However, if toxicity becomes unbearable, Please plan an exit strategy as no job is worth your life.

Focus on What Truly Matters – Keep your eyes on your personal and professional goals. Block out distractions. Avoid gossip. Stay out of unnecessary conflicts. Be so focused on leveling up that toxicity becomes irrelevant to you.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! –  (Had to write that in caps lol) Your mental and emotional well-being are not up for debate. Detach emotionally from the negativity, celebrate your wins (even the small ones), and remember: sometimes in life, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. 
At the end of the day, no job is worth your peace of mind. So, protect your energy, play it smart, and never let a toxic work environment dim your light!

Have you ever experienced toxicity in the workplace? Are you currently dealing with it? Feel free to share your experience in the comments and offer insights on how you addressed it. We can all learn from one another — sometimes, reading someone else’s journey can be the first step toward healing or finding a way forward. See you in the comments!

Who is SHE ?

She once struggled to understand herself. She could not decipher who she really was. It was a struggle to come to terms with the "person" she was discovering herself to be. At a time in her life, she felt as though she was in a turbulent or in some kind of waves and trying to stay afloat.

You can call it the age of confusion (That should bring a smile to your lips) . I call it the age of confusion because I can't seems to find the right word. Does she understand what was called life at that time? I don't think so. She only knew that sometimes bad things happens to her and other times good things happens.

Then came the reality, that self-discovery moment. The moment you begin to understand what you can accommodate and what you can't. The moment you begin to pick out what you like and what you don't. It was like magic, she felt as though her life puzzle had been solved. She is now beginning to understand who she thinks she is. She soon understand that what she likes defines her and what she doesn't doesn't...

She will tell herself " I feel sad when I see people sad, so I am not who make people sad"  meaning that I don't derive pleasure in seeing people unhappy". Again she will say, "I like when people are happy because it keeps me happy ." By that, she knows she loves to be happy and wants to remain like that. 

That was quite easy after years of struggling with self-discovery but it wouldn't have been easier if not for the community that helped her in the journey of life. It indeed take a village to train a child. The community that constantly reiterate that education is the way, knowledge is light and wisdom is profitable to direct. 

The community made a whole lot easier for her , books became her best friend . She found solace in reading. When she's lost in the world of books she sees herself thrive , she experiences freedom in a different dimension, she feels so strong and stable. She feels so confident and daring. She soon begin to unconsciously manifest the person she was in her book world in real life. 

This self-realization made her blossom into who she is today. She is a woman , she is strong but sometimes weak, she is loving, she is blunt, she is caring, she is calm and also fierce, she goes all out for people but still feel like she doesn't do much. She has won so many times and failed a few time but it's okay, she is often misjudged but she believes in herself and now know who she truly is so it's okay... She can be stubborn and hard to crack atimes and other times she is just a cry baby.  

She is friendly yet reserved, she has disappointed a few friends overtime but it never counted against her because of the love they have for her. She is disciplined and also compassionate. She holds the people in her corner in high esteem and will not trade them for anything but she loves them enough to let them go if anyone exhibit the attitude of not wanting to stay. After all, when you love someone, you free them , you don't cage them. You can't keep who doesn't want to be kept. You can't keep who doesn't want to stay.  

She is a lover no doubt but she appreciates when that love is appreciated and reciprocated. Love is sweet when it's both ways... she believes. Though she loves generously but she has learnt to love herself even more. She now pay attention to her feelings more and protects herself from getting hurt. She is authentic . If you know her, you'll know this .Lately she learnt the simple rule of life:

Live simply

Care deeply

Speak kindly 

Love generously

Cos Life is like a cup of coffee

She deemed it necessary to appreciate every single person that contributes to the person she is today. She doesn't take you all for granted . For the times that it seemed like she didn't do enough or disappoint you in anyway, she is sorry and wouldn't hurt you on purpose.  She is still a work in progress and will make you all super proud soon but who is SHE???

THE MEN WE LOVE TO SEE

 Hello everyone!

Trust we've been good.

Lately I've been seeing some unbelievable behaviours and attitudes from the male gender and I can't help but wonder how we arrived here. I see comments and actions of some of our men and I wonder how they were raised. It is scary because this must not continue to the next generation. 

I might not be a huge fan of gender- based issues at the same time I cannot turn a blind eye to the going-ons around me. When I  listen to people speak on feminism or anything relating to gender I try to keep an open mind and not be biased or allow myself be influenced by other people's opinions.

These series of behaviours has led me to keep wondering and pondering on the following questions. I ask myself , Why do we have a lot of emotionless men? Why are some men so narcissistic and insensitive? Why do some men believe that women are suppose to toil for them for the rest of their lives? Why do they feel unnecessarily entitled? Why do they feel that giving their wives a hand with the chores or with the kids will make them less of a man? Why do men believe that as far as they are financially capable to run a home nothing else matters? It is really baffling and disturbing at the same time. 

The answer to the above questions is not far -fetched. Firstly, the society played a major role in 'forming' the kind of men we have today. The problem we have with some of our men is due to the norm that was laid down by the society. It is what they were born into, what they grew into and what they were made to adapt to. The issue of superiority and self-importance is one and this has eaten deep into the core of their being. We live in a society where women are relegated and the men promoted or celebrated. A society that constantly project men as more important or valuable than women. It is this norm that has made a stealthy entrance into the family which led to what we call gender roles in the home.

In an average Nigerian home, the boy-child is hardly useful as there are no concrete or defined chores assigned to him while growing up. It is forbidden to have him sweep or clean the house, do the dishes , wash the clothes or even cook. These are 'female chores' not for male afterall he will be married someday and his wife will be responsible for all of these.... So what is the point? they will say. The chores considered to be for the male children includes washing the car ( for those who have cars) then probably cutting the grasses (for those who have grasses in their compounds).

Some parents do not want to see their male children in the kitchen either helping out or cooking. You will hear "Junior what are you doing there? Are you a girl?, What business do you have with the kitchen? , Come out of there immediately when your sister comes she will prepare something for you to eat".  Shocking I must say! So Junior mustn't know how to cook because it is a girl's job to do which means that he will have to entrust something as serious as putting food in his stomach in the hands of another person for a lifetime.

The girl-child on the other hand who is often referred to as the weaker vessel is ironically saddled with the responsibility of  partially running the home even at a very tender age , sometimes as early as 8-10 years of age a girl is already cooking and tending to her siblings. She is taught to wake up early, cook, sweep, go to the market, bathe and dress her siblings, stay in the store to sell etc. More attention and trainings are given to the girl-child because she is subtly being prepared to 'serve' someone's son later in life. The wifely role is indirectly being inculcated in her at such a tender age. She is indirectly being trained to become a good 'wife material' but to who? an undeserving man? How much training do we give our boys? How are we moulding our boys to be good and caring husbands to their wives in the future? How are we raising them to be respectful to women and sensitive?  Aside providing for the family what else do they have to offer?

This is the reason we have men that lack empathy. Men that are so egoistic that they believe that women are mere assets to them and that they deserve to be worshipped without regards to the feelings of their wives. This is why a man whose wife just put to birth 28 hours ago will demand why she hasn't gone to the market to buy what she will use to prepare food for him and another will demand sex from a woman that gave birth just 24 hours ago! Same reason a man will beat up his pregnant wife and verbally berate her at will. This is sickening! We need to do better!

Imagine if our parents shared some of these house chores equally, Imagine if Princess cooks on Monday and it's Junior's turn on Tuesday. What if washing and cleaning is rotated between Junior and Princess? When Junior gets married and somehow his wife is not able to cook or clean due to pregnancy, postpartum issues or ill-health, he will be of great help and a good support system at that time. He will be empathetic and helpful all through because he was brought up to be caring, helpful and sensitive to other people's plight. 

There are lots of things some of our parents did wrong while raising the male children. We mustn't continue the trend. Our men need to do better. The future generation need to be better than this. Modern day parents need to do better than our parents. Teach your boys to be strong, to be kind, empathetic , loving, caring, hardworking and respectful. Let them cook, it's not a taboo. That's why we have chefs nowadays. Let them wash clothes, let them help their sisters when necessary. Don't segregate, don't give rooms for injustice. Let them grow with their sisters and know the things that women deal with. Teach them to be useful to themselves and to their family. Let them know that money cannot buy true love, money cannot buy affection and happiness. Let them know that emotional support is as important as financial support.

When you are teaching your girls to dress properly, to not keep bad friends, to maintain moral behaviours and all that. Please teach your boys too to dress properly, to respect women and speak kindly to them. It is not only women that need to be responsible and ' proper' for marriage sake . Men need to be well brought up and responsible too in every way.

This post is however not to discredit our men who are already doing right or our parents who gave their best to raise fine men. It is only a re-awakening or a reminder on the need to not relent until our society understands the need to raise our boys with the purpose of making them responsible men and husbands in the future.  

To the men who are already doing right we see you , we love and appreciate you please keep it up and be prepared to pass the baton to the next generation. To the parents who are changing the status quo as regards raising the boy-child we see your effort, it shall not be in vain and we are proud of you. Please keep it up. Love, care , understanding, respect and support are the attributes we love to see in our men . 

LETTING GO

Hello people!

Trust we are still keeping safe.

Have you ever been disappointed by someone you least expect? How do you feel when people do things to you that you feel you do not deserve from them? I mean when you are so nice to people and will do anything legally possible to make them happy but it seems like they do not even notice what you do or just do not count it as anything . They make it seems like your being nice to them is their right.

For instance, you have been very helpful to someone without necessarily expecting a payback but when situation demands that they come to your aid they turn you down with flimsy or no excuse, how does this make you feel? do you take it to heart? do you hold it against them? do you quit your kind gestures towards them? do you show them attitude, do you simply talk about it with them or do you just stylishly distance yourself from them? I will leave you to your thought.

We all know that people react to things differently. What might hurt one person might not be a big deal to another, but isn't there this general feeling of being cheated or treated unfairly when you desperately need an assistance from these people and they purposely turn you down? not because they don't have the means but simply because 'they can't be bothered'. I mean you feel that if you are so good a person then you deserve to be treated right.

If you are helpful or generous to people you naturally expect that the good deeds return to you in one way or the other. You won't imagine that these same people will deny you support when necessary. It is normal to feel bad, hurt or disappointed no matter how nice you are. Somehow, we expect that the people we show love and kindness reciprocate when the need arises, but in reality, how much favours do we get in return for our kindness?

We need to critically think about this aspect of life so that we can take our stand. We need to decide on how best to handle this situation and abide by our decisions. It is only when this is established that you can totally be at peace with yourself.

The first thing we need to take into consideration is that life itself is not fair. While some people live their best lives, others are struggling and striving through it all. While some have never experienced any form of hardship, others don't know any other life aside hustling and toiling. What should we say to that? That the people who are struggling have offended God, and ones living large haven't? or that God despised those who are not living their desired lifestyle? Of course not, God is ever loving and just. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If we often think about this, we would be able to console ourselves that whatever good we do to people, we do it because we have the grace to do it and not necessarily because we want a payback.

Secondly, we must never stop the act of kindness simply because people do not reciprocate as we expect. We must believe that there is no good work we do that go unnoticed by God and these good works pay off at the end of the day. The person that God will use for you might not even be someone you know or have helped. So, you need to let go of painful memories and painful thoughts, harmful desires and unhealthy habits. Free yourself from unhappy feelings.

Thirdly, there is no point holding a grudge against those who have disappointed you. If you are so pained and you feel you should talk to them about it, then go ahead and do that, but be sure to maintain a high level of maturity and politeness while at it because it is a very sensitive discussion, and whatever feedback you get, take it in good faith and move on. Another reason why  talking about it is okay is so as to find out if they are unaware of their actions or if they don't just give a care in the world!

Be sure to not let the discussion lead to argument of any sort. Do not go listing all you have done for the person and counting the number of times the person has turned you down in the past. It is pertinent to know that some people will give you just about any story to avoid helping you, they just want you off their backs. Some people are that selfish and inconsiderate. They always seek to receive but never to give or share. Painful as it may be, It is what it is. You don't need to withdraw from coming to their aid when the need arises or when you have the grace to do so. We should not allow other people's bad behaviour make us who God has not made us to be.

Finally, having a forgiving spirit is key. Learning to let go is necessary. Being mindful of the fact that God Himself has been faithful to us despite our unfaithfulness is important. We offend God, don't we? We take advantage of his love for us. We are sometimes even selfish towards him but what did he do to us in return? He  loves us unconditionally, He welcomes us with open arms, He forgives us,He cares for us and He watches out for us all the time. Remember, if the Lord should mark our iniquities who shall stand? So, let us all be consoled with the word of God that says 'whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Let us be reminded of the words of Desmond Tutu that says 'Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world'. We will do good regardless. We willl love unconditionally and we will do our best to make the world a better place nonetheless.

YOU ARE ENOUGH

Hello Lovers,

Trust we've been coping just fine so far. 

I pray that the world returns to normal pretty soon.

I want to talk about an issue that I realize most people find difficult to deal with. When some of these people are faced with this situation, It changes something about them or leaves a negative feeling in them. It is a known fact that people react to things differently and that we are stronger than one another. The way Mr A will handle an issue might be totally different from how Mr B will handle that same issue.

The world we live in is the type that constantly seeks to dictate who you should be and how you should live, trust me if you don't know who you are, you will accept whatever the world throws at you.  To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle and never stop fighting.  I think about this often and I just wonder why we have to beat up ourselves so much on another person's perception of us. Why? I mean, just why???. Also, when you are nice to people and they don't acknowledge it or appreciate it not to talk of reciprocating, why do we still feel the need to blame ourselves for such behaviours? Why do we keep pushing ourselves their way?. 

Someone said something bad to you or criticized you destructively and you hold on to the criticism making it dictate how you live your life. You are so bothered about what someone thinks about you that you forget what being happy feels like!. It is so unnecessary and totally unfair to your being. You are only who you allow yourself to be. Never let anyone dictate who you are to you. Nobody has that much right over you. 

Someone thinks you are not brilliant and you start wallowing in that thought forever. Someone thinks you are not a nice person regardless of what you do and you won't allow yourself have peace because of that? Someone thinks you are not "enough", you are not good enough, you are a failure, you are ugly, you are unimportant e. t.c and you dwell in that feeling and deprive yourself the freedom, the joy  bestowed upon you by your heavenly father! It is unacceptable!.

 The first solution to this is knowing yourself. Have you met yourself yet? Know who you are and what you are worth. Knowing who you are will help you handle criticism better. Nobody should know you better than you know yourself. People only see what they wish to see in you . It is now left for you to show them who you want them to see. To be honest, people will not always be nice to you. Some people will just not see your worth regardless, not because you are a bad person but because they've conditioned their minds to condemn or destroy due to reasons best known to them.

When they try to make you believe that you are who they painted you to be, strive to prove them wrong. Shock them with your awesomeness. Ignore their hurtful words and dazzle them with the greatness embedded in you. Walk with your hair down and shoulder high. Sooner or later they will really see the stuff you are made of.

It is also very necessary that you posses a very high self-esteem because only when your self-esteem is high can you break free from the slanderers. You don't have to be rich before you showcase your self- esteem. Taking pride in yourself and your achievements no matter how little it seems is enough riches. Loving , respecting and appreciating yourself should matter most to you. Don't struggle to be part of somebody's life especially when they make it so glaring that they don't want you there. Don't keep struggling to maintain a relationship with who makes you feel unappreciated and unloved. That person is not more important than you. He or she is not more valuable than you are. You don't need that person to validate you because you worth much more. It is really embarrassing and highly degrading to have someone treat you in an unwanted way making you loose your self-respect. If someone values you, he or she will reciprocate your kind gestures or at least acknowledge and appreciate them not making you feel like they are doing you a favour by accepting you into their lives. 

Please note that the essence of this write-up is not to ignore feedbacks. Feedbacks are good, they make us become better human beings, but what I am stressing here is that you weigh what comes to you and filter what you take in . Some feedbacks are just totally wrong. People who don't really know you feels they can judge you and tag you just anything that comes to their mind not minding if they are right or wrong. Some might even form an opinion of you based on what they have heard from other people and not based on their own observation of you while others are just out there to make you feel less of yourself; to bully you sort of. These are what I advise that we frown against.

Constructive criticism or feedbacks are good. Destructive criticism and bullying of any sort is not acceptable and should not be condoned. You are your own fighter. You have to stand against what is destructive to your mental health and emotional well-being. Anything that seeks to take your joy away and constantly seek to make you feel less of yourself should be combatted. You don't need anybody to validate you before you realize how valuable you are. You are precious. You are valuable. You are lovely. You are good-looking. You are so smart. You are enough. You are the best of your kind and guess what? You matter the most.

MAKE UP TIME

Hi everyone,

Trust you've all been doing pretty fine.

How is the lockdown in your area? How have you all been coping?

I am glad that I am able to find my way here after such a long time. I will love to share with you all how I've been spending my lockdown time so far. Before I proceed, I quickly want to chip in that I've heard so much and still hearing different things concerning this lockdown.

To some people, it is really a difficult time for them especially those who are not used to staying indoor. Seriously I belong to this category. My life has always revolved around work, business, church and hangouts. So, finding myself in this condition is really not fun for me.

Back to the different gists gathered from people who are striving to survive at this time. We have seen alot of motivational speakers springing up at this time. People who all of a sudden just discovered their talent in motivational speeches or write ups. You'll hear alot of " Read all the books you can lay your hands on during this pandemic" Write a book during this stay home time" "Learn to sing" , learn the piano" etc.  Guess what ? They are all good advices. Everything and anything you learn during this stay home time is not a waste but that is not all there is. There is a whole lot of other things to give attention to at this time aside learning this and that.

Much as I am not used to staying home l have tried to make the best use of my present condition. Firstly, I thought of the fact that before the pandemic I hardly have time to spend with my family. I am always away due to work or one function or the other. I hardly even have the time to read anything that is not only necessary but compulsory mostly work-related. I don't get to rest or exercise as appropriate. There are alot of times I feel sick but don't pay attention to, I usually overlook it with the " I am probably just tired, I just need to rest a little"  statement and move on.

Most atimes, we feel that if we are still able to gallavant about we are healthy, we are fit, we are strong e.t.c but the truth is that some of us are actually not as fit as we thought. What I've been doing and what I'll advise that you also do is pay more attention to your health (physically and mentally), Let  us use this opportunity to familiarize with our family. Whether you like it or not, alot has changed in your family that you probably did not take note of. Those your siblings who you haven't seen or spend time with in years due to school calendars have imbibed one character or the other that you may not be aware of. This is the time to "get to meet them again" or "know them" in order to know what has changed about them and how grown up they seems to be right now.

Another thing I do to pass time is make videos especially dance videos. Thanks to the new apps coming up; Triller app,Tik-tok app e.t.c .You can also do exercise since the lockdown is making a lot of people gain weight. Reading books too is not bad, the most important thing is to make this period worth the while. Make the most of it because when this pandemic is over and everything returns to normal, alot of people are going to really crave for a break and that time they won't see it. Use this time to do all those things you always wish for but couldn't due to "Time". The "time" is here and the "time" is now.

Stay home and stay safe. Wash your hands regularly and use your sanitizer frequently. Insist on having anybody coming to your house wash their hands thoroughly and have a sanitizer by the gate for them to use before coming into your home. Remember, it's better safe than sorry.

FIND YOUR PURPOSE

Hey world people!

Welcome to another edition of the TalesBearer.

I am inspired to write about this topic as this is one topic i enjoy so much. What does it take to live a purposeful life? What is purposeful living? How rewarding is it?

Well...You are welcome to interpret it differently, to interpret it the way you best understands it.

Personally, I will say purposeful living or living purposefully is a way of being intentional about your way of life. When you do something on purpose, it means you've thought about it, you've pondered on it, weighed it and decided to try it out or act it.  Living purposefully is one of the most enjoyable experiences you can enjoy in life. I categorize it as the real life experience. When you are living purposefully, you can confidently say you are living your best life.

You might be wondering how to achieve purposeful living but trust me, it is nothing to worry about. All you need do is be yourself really!. You have to first of all be convinced that you want to live for YOU! You have to be ready to carve out your own path and be ready to follow through come what may. Living purposefully is a very serious business because if you are not convinced about the path you chose for  yourself , you are likely to fall off purpose when turbulent arises.

Study yourself and note those things that you enjoy doing or passionate about. Things that drives you or inspires you. Having done that, Kindly pursue them and try as much as possible to live in accordance with all the factors you've highlighted. Let your daily activities revolves around the kind of life you've carved out for yourself. The most important thing is asking yourself this question each day " What is my purpose in life? " "What am i leaving for?" " Why am i here?" "What am i doing here?" etc. If you can answer these questions each time then you can be sure that you are doing well.

Purposeful living shapes every aspect of your life; ranging from the company you keep, where you go, what you do etc. If any or all of these is not in alignment with the kind of life you've carved out for yourself then you need to re-trace your steps. Be intentional about the friends you keep. In fact choose your friends don't just let them choose you. Be disciplined- stand by your principle. Constantly pursue your dreams till you get it right. Even if it seems like things are not working out as planned or you are scared about how to achieve your aims, Just keep keeping on. You might experience a little fall here and there but that shouldn't bring you down totally. Failure only arises when you have no result to learn from i.e you didn't even try!

The best way to live is being aware of the reason you are alive. Carving a niche for yourself out there and working towards achieving your purpose on a daily basis. Is it rewarding? Yes! It is rewarding because  it gives you a sense of accomplishment. It makes you feel like you are living your life and that you are getting it right despite the mistakes, the falls, the fears, the turbulent etc...

Learning, Personal growths and personal developments are key components of living purposefully. Fulfilling your purpose in life requires that you  learn, develop and grow to meet the challenges that lies ahead of you.

I wish you luck as you begin to live purposefully.

Thank you for reading.